Sunday, April 24- But of course, I'll miss them.

What will I miss?

• Marc
• Richard
• Brindy
• Mary Joy
• Rosella
• Joel
• Romie
• Jestoni
• Jemboy
• Jojet
• Suzanne
• Sheila
• Rejina
• Glend
• Jimboy
• Janeth
• Jennefer
• Grace
• Jessa
• Judy Ann
• Mico
• Lecio
• Herman
• Alberto
• Marivel
• Isay
• Melody
• Mary Lyn
• Marycel
• Keyce
• April
• Angel
• Dondon
• Carlos
• Jaypee
• Shaolin
• KB
• Bobby

Thursday, April 21- Filipinos in Three

If you are ever planning a trip to the Philippines, or you just wonder about the people here, these are the three words that I can give you that best describe the Filipino people.

1)      Shy

It is *shocking* how shy Filipinos are; and how self-proclaimed their shyness is.  After living with this group of <50 Filipinos for three months, many of them are still painfully nervous when I strike up a conversation with them.  If they happen to not know an English word to use or worse if they use the wrong word, the laugh and cover their face with their hands and crumple up into a ball.  For some of them all I have to do is look at them and smile and I can get the same reaction.  One of the kids brings a notebook with him when we do a film showing so he can jot down the English words that he doesn’t know and look them up later, which I think is great.  I asked to see the book after our last movie and he fought to keep it away from me and then asked if he could cross off some of the words first.  He said he was “ashamed.” That word along with “shy”, “embarrassed”, “humiliated” and “uncomfortable” are used all the time by Filipinos to describe how they feel when talking to someone they don’t know (or someone they’ve been living with for a quarter of the year.)

2)      Curious

Despite being painfully shy, Filipinos may brave being in a situation they are uncomfortable with if there is something shiny there.  That may sound like an exaggeration but one of the kids even said, “We Filipinos get very curious when there is noise or lights and we have to go there.”  This has worked in BTEA’s favor over the years when they draw a crowd by showing a film and then share the gospel.  On a smaller level, the moment that I bring my computer out of my room it is like a swarm of bees attacks me.  Within a few minutes I have to motion away the spectators just so I can breathe again.  Even if the only thing on my computer is a word document or a playlist of songs, they are drawn to it like a moth to a flame.  Even if nothing electronic is involved, they hate being out of the know.  Several times I and others have attempted to set up a surprise in the dining hall which is the only room that you can actually close off.  However, the kids will put sticks through the windows to try and pry the wooden slats open or will goes as far as to keep a few at the front door to distract us while a couple go around the back.  It is quite frustrating when all you want is to surprise them.

3)      Hospitable.

Though their terrified curiosity can get old, I cannot take away the truly kind spirits and intentions of the Filipinos.  It’s almost impossible to enter a room without being asked “what can I do for you?”  A simple question like, “Where is the peanut butter” will often result in an offer of peanut butter, honey, 12 kinds of jam, mayonnaise, mustard and banana ketchup (yes, I said banana ketchup).  Anytime that I give any hints of being tired I am immediately begged to go take my rest.  When I inform the cook that she is spoiling me too much she just answers, “I just love you.”  I don’t like being treated like a princess, but I know that their hearts truly want to serve.

Well, there you go.  I give you, the Filipinos.

Ciao.

Saturday, April 23- So what AREN’T you going to miss, Bekah?

Well, since you asked…

ü  Waking up to roosters—at any hour

ü  Rats

ü  Ants everywhere!

ü  Any kind of creature in a place it shouldn’t be

ü  Wearing shoes every second I am out of bed

ü  Freeeeeeeeeezing showers

ü  Wet sheets, wet blankets, wet pillows, wet clothes

ü  Rice

ü  The boys competing for the title of most nasally falsetto voice

ü  Aww-HI!... WAWAWEE (there will be no explanation for this)

ü  Loading pisos to call or text

ü  Loading pisos to use the internet

ü  Hand washing all my clothes

ü  Living out of a suitcase

ü  Ilonggo

ü  Filipino Radio (I may do an entire blog on this topic)

ü  Fire ants

ü  My adapter

ü  Being stared at… CONSTANTLY!

Friday, April 22- Good Friday Talent Show

My computer battery is very near dead and my adapter is crap so I can no longer charge my computer (at least from here) so I am writing this blog on paper and will transfer it later (which is now).  See how much I love you? Or how much I love writing… Either way I better get lots o’ comments on this entry.

Tonight was out talent show which is the main thing I have been working on for the last month.  It has been so difficult to get the kids to come forward with something they want to present/perform because they are so painfully shy.  I finally got ten acts put together and after helping them with everything from choreography to downloading songs to voice lesson, six of the acts dropped out for one reason or another.  That left the entire show with four acts.  They were our strongest acts though and I didn’t worry too much because we had inadvertently placed the show on Good Friday and decided to instead of change the date, invite the community and then show the Jesus Film afterwards. 

Everything seemed basically ready until I woke up this morning not feeling so well.  I told them I’d stay home while they went to the church for Good Friday activities.  I slept for a little while but then woke up drenched in sweat.  I could tell that I had a fever but it was more than that.  I soon realized that we were in the middle of a brown-out and so my fan was off; and the sun was beating down.  This was one of the hottest days yet.  I felt delirious.  I splashed some water on my face and fanned myself with every piece of paper and book in my reach.  The rest of the day was spent doing this or lying down without sleeping.  A little before dinner I decided to go for a walk to see if being slightly active would ward off my growing lethargy.  I ate quickly and then packed up all of my equipment and set off to walk to the church.  No one else was ready (because time means nothing here) so I told them to hurry after me.  I think I felt the moment that my fever broke and as I walked to the church I started shaking and had cold sweats.  When I arrived I was sweating and completely out of breath and Nanay asked what I was doing there; she had completely forgotten about the show.  This poor woman needs some serious brain food!  Anyway, the show went on and went well.  The youngest kids sang “The Papaya Song” (thank you, David Dunn) and then the Elementary girls did a dance to Casting Crowns’ “Who am I” followed by a traditional Tiboli dance from some Elementary boys and Lifehouse’s “Everything” skit by a group of high school kids.  There were also three unplanned acts that came from nowhere including singing, guitar playing and another drama.  Why they didn’t tell me about these sometime in the last month I’ll never know.  Anyway, it was a good night and some great messages were made clear about our Savior and His love for us.

“Greater love has no one that this, that He’d lay down his life for His friend.”

This is dedicated to Ben.  We sort of started a tradition of watching “The Passion of the Christ” together on Good Friday (three times in four years in case you didn’t know).  I wish we could do that today. Love you!

Tuesday, April 19- List: Movies

With nine days to go and with my mind stuck on movies, here is the list of the top movies I have wanted to watch but could not. (Note: this is not all of them… I’m a movie person, so the complete would be rather extensive.)

-The Lord of the Rings Trilogy

-A&E Pride and Prejudice

-The Man from Snowy River

-Les Miserables

-The Royal Tennenbaums

-Australia

-Rocketman

-Braveheart

-Tristan + Isolde

-BBC Sherlock Holmes (any episode)

-The King’s Speech (I want to SEE that!)

-Troy

-Moulin Rouge!

-Sense and Sensibility

-Inglorious Basterds

-Laserblast!

-Dumb and Dumber

-The Truman Show

-Lost in Translation

These are the movies that I have watched while over here that I could have done without:

-Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakwel (sp?)

-Thumbellina

Wow. Much Shorter.

And there is only one of these so it hardly counts as a list, but I just saw ‘The Polar Express’ for the first time and it was thoroughly strange and quite wonderful.  It also proved that even in April, the spirit of Christmas can make me cry. J

This is dedicated to Jennifer Stamness who has been faithfully commenting on blogs from the beginning! Thank you, friend!!!

Monday, April 18- Brown outs, Halo Halo and Slaves

We have been having so many stinking brown outs lately.  It’s making me crazy! I won’t be able to blog for long due to the tremendously short life of my computer battery, so I’ll just fill you in about a few events.

Today I took a group of elementary kids (the rest will go tomorrow) to a place called “Quinchers” were they got to enjoy a chicken sandwich and one of their favorite treats, Halo Halo.  Literally Halo Halo translates as “mix mix” which is what they do before eating it.  It’s basically (hey, brown out over!) a cup or a bowl and they just stick a mess of stuff in there.  Ice is a must ingredient and then usually ube flavored ice cream which is bright purple and basically gross.  Then they add corn (yes), cheese (yes!) and/or cornflakes and some kind of gelatinous substance.  You will not be surprised to hear that I did not order any for myself.

At dinner I had one of those “what are they teaching kids in school” moments when the girls at my table started asking questions about America.  They do this quite often and it’s normally along the lines of “do you have this fruit” or “do you go to a market” and stuff like that.  Well tonight Melody asked if I cooked in America and I said yes and Mary Lyn followed it with, “do you have slaves?”  What?! Seriously?! I repeated it to see if I had misheard, but she confirmed it.  I emphatically answered no and she said, “Servants?” Wow.  Now I know that most of their history would be about their own country, but the abolition of slavery in America was kind of a big deal; I assumed that would be covered.  It’s just funny to realize that my home is even more of a foreign idea to them as theirs is to me and my friends who can’t grasp what it is like here. Different worlds.

I just walked outside to hush some dogs making a ruckus outside my window and I looked up to see the moon brighter than I have ever seen it.  I seriously couldn’t look directly at it for very long.  The light looked artificial, like a street light.  Crazy.

Exciting news: We expect Uncle Bob to arrive mid-morning on Tuesday (so yesterday, since I can’t post this before then).  I’m very excited to see him again, and of course to have another American friend around.  I think he’ll only be staying for about 24 hours though.  It will still be good, and though we aren’t tell the kids yet, I know they can’t wait to see him again.  They always ask when he’ll be here again.  He is the Uncle they never had and they love him.

I was telling someone today that I am going to be home in a little over three weeks and it weirded me out.  That is crazy!! I’ve had a countdown of days until I leave here, but somehow it is so much harder to picture myself at home again that travelling to my next destination.  I remember three weeks ago! I can’t imagine being home in that amount of time.  I think the amount of travel that I still have left makes it difficult and slightly scary.  Putting aside my journey to Australia, I have to fly back to Manila and stay there for two days and then try to get out with no trouble (my visa will have expired) and then go through Tokyo while praying that things are stable enough there for me to get out and then continue the long trek home.  Wow, I am so glad that God has my future taken care of—I’d be a wreck otherwise. J

I’ve gotten to have some really sweet times with my Savior the last few days.  I go out to the view right at sunset and the hills are painted with beautiful pink and orange hues.  I pull out my mp3 player and just sit and sing for a while, which is absolutely my way of worship and something that I have thoroughly felt the lack of since arriving here.  Chris Tomlin, Donna Stuart, David Dunn, Casting Crowns, David Crowder, Jordan Johnson, Selah, Bebo Norman and Hillsong—thank you for joining me here and bringing me the joy of singing praises to my redeemer.

It’s about lights out time.  I actually don’t mind brown outs at night since it makes the dorm utterly black and the house parents can’t listen to their radio.  It’s selfish, but I enjoy the deep sleep I get in the dark and quiet. However, so far it looks like our power is staying (but that could be because the generator is chugging away—loudly.)  I’d just like to add that I have no clue how all this technical stuff happens.  Generators and electricity and whatnot are so foreign to me. I never paid much attention to those sections in science. 

Good night, loves! I will see you in less than a month, God-willing.

Love you!

Saturday, April 16- Redeemed by love

Today is an odd day.  I can’t seem to shake this feeling in me.  I am also incredibly emotional and feel like all the tears that I’ve held back for the last three months are attacking me trying to get out.  I try not to cry because over here you are more likely to get mocked and teased than comforted; but it’s also not comfort I want.  I’m not sad.  It’s just a weird day.  It’s the feeling I used to get in my home in Elgin on my mom’s Bible study nights.  I don’t think I ever told her this, but I couldn’t sleep until she got home.  I didn’t like those nights because she was always out until at least 11:00pm (imagine a mother of 8 wanting a break) and for some reason we always expected her sooner.  I would get this hollow feeling in my stomach whenever my dad would make me go to bed and she wasn’t home.  I was always sure that she had an accident and couldn’t call us.  The sound of the garage door opening was such a relief.  I guess this was before I really thought you could pray for yourself because I always remember praying something like, “I don’t care if I have to stay worried and have to feel miserable, just let her be safe.”  I’ve learned since then that it’s okay to ask for peace for yourself (which is basically how my every day begins now), but I’m still glad He answered my prayers. 

I know what started this odd feeling; I just finished Redeeming Love; again.  The feeling actually started early this morning when I got to quite a crucial point on the road to the powerful ending and had to leave it there.  This has happened other times that I’ve read it, and other books, though never as much as this one.  I just tie myself so tightly to the characters that when they are in pain, I ache.  To give you more proof of this and more reasons to mock me, this same thing happened in one of the last seasons of 24.  I won’t spoil anything, but someone’s wife died and I think I cried for about 2 days over that.  I am really quite empathetic; this comes in handy on stageJ.  So back to this morning, I just felt like I was walking around wounded all morning.  I felt like something so wrong was happening; people were separated who shouldn’t be; and I knew I had all the power to fix it!  It doesn’t matter that I knew the ending and that I was reading this story for the ninth time; it wasn’t done, it wasn’t right and so I felt incomplete.  When the rain started pouring I gave in and went to bring to book to its conclusion.  As in every previous read, I could not hold my tears in, and I was grateful that the rain pounded loud enough to cover my sobs (though the sound of the rain kind of spurred on the continuing of the tears).  But unlike other times, that feeling didn’t go away.  I didn’t feel complete.  I had the joy that covered me.  I felt so utterly insignificant and unworthy and so desperately loved by my father in heaven.  But I’ve still been on the verge of tears, and not of joy.  I just keep thinking that there are people, so many people, who don’t know this feeling.  There are people who think they don’t want this or think that they can’t obtain it.  I know they joy of being madly in love with the creator of the universe, my loving father, my king; but others don’t.  I just want to scream loud enough for everyone to hear! What could be better than this!?  What are you looking for!? You are empty—and you can be filled until you overflow with the abundant life that he has for you! I just want everyone to know the wonder that I feel, and yet knowing that I can’t make them listen is leaving me feeling weak.  I am weak. 

On top of that, I think all of me is really feeling how long I’ve been gone.  I talked to someone about how coming back here feels like you found a piece of your heart’s puzzle that had been missing.  For a little while it feels complete and perfect; but then you realize that you left 50 pieces at home, and that one piece can’t quite cover it anymore.  I love this piece of my life, but there is a chunk of me that I had to leave behind, and I’m ready to be reunited with that part.  I guess heaven is the only place where your puzzle gets to be complete.

We had a slew of brown outs today, the last one lasting a few hours.  It started after dinner while I was in the girls’ dorm.  When I made my way back to the boys’ dorm, a handful of the high school and college boys and Toto (houseparent) were sitting the pitch black of the common area strumming guitars and singing worship songs.  I took my place on the wooden bench and listened and sang with them for more than an hour.  As soon as one song would finish someone would start singing the first line of a new song and the guitars would catch up.  Someone started singing “Make Me a Servant” which triggered Toto and I to recall dialogue from Psalty’s Kids Praise cassette tapes and we got a little distracted.  When we started singing, “No, no, Don’t do it, Charity” we knew it was time to call it a night. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about then you probably never will.)

I need to wrap this up and get to bed.  It’s raining steadily but not too heavily so this is the perfect time to sleep.  Angel is home and seems to be doing better.  Thank you for your prayers. 

11 days.

Love you guys.

This post is dedicated to anyone who HAS NOT read “Redeeming Love”.  Consider this your recommendation.  Go read it.  What are you waiting for?